I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
