my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
