I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
