between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
