i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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