Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
