The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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