If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
