My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
