and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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