then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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