Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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