White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
