i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm too high and old for this...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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