ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
