He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
