I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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