i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
should my penis look like a turkey
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
