I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
This is my gift to your gina
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
