I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
