That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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