She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
