we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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