put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
