I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
