So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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