I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
