dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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