he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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