You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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