I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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