I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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