what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
