dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
