Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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