He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
