dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
