i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
