apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
