She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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