He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
