she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
