A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize