No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
