I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
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I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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