Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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