I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
