i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
