there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
