I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
