I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Dick very happy bro
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize