Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
