Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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