I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
