I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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