He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
