peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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