TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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