Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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