I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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