Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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