I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
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