forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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