who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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