remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
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I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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