Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
