i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the day after is always just damage control
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
