Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
