You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
