I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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