It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize